i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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