return my video game
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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