dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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