I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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