Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize