literally had 100 drinks last night.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
