I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
