do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
