I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
