Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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