I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
