I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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