I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
