you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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