Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
