This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
