Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
