That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
there is puke in my bra ... again
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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