Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
