I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
its not stalking. its research.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
