im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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