If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
