can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
