Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
