she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
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Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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