I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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