The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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