I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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