the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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