hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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