I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm passing your future prison.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
