I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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