I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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