Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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