idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I cockslap morals
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
