Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
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naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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