I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
