no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
