My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
