I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
