The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
