Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
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your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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