I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
