mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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