i think i have two assholes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
