What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
