it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
