The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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