I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
