You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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