I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were destined to go to rehab together
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
