I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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