just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
