we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
