I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
