Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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