How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
