Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
