you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
