He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
