you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
