sarcasm needs its own font
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
