Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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