Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
