i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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