Sponge bath it is.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
