I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Randomize
